I’m having a conversation with my friend, as I drive down the 101 (bluetooth) in full effect. We are discussing her current love triangle with a man who she just can’t seem to let go of. I’m listening to her explain how much she dearly cares for this guy, who will remain anonymous. She has known him for years. However, it wasn’t until nine months ago that she bumped into him at a lounge in Venice and not Venice in Europe, but Venice in Los Angeles that she began seeing him intimately.
As you can imagine it was a typical interaction that takes place during a night out. Music playing in the background, while lighting sets the right tone. At this point, they both have been drinking and are feeling good. What starts as light touching of hands rapidly develops to both of them feeling each other beyond the dance floor. By the end of the night, they are experiencing that tingling feeling after drinking, the one that takes over your entire body, specifically those parts that aren’t always exposed. As you can imagine they both end up back at his place and the rest needs no explanation. They quickly become each other’s go to after a night out.
Fast forward to five months later at which point the guy decides he no longer wants to do “this” whatever “this” was. Of course, my friend is hurt by the situation, however being the strong woman she is she begins the mental disconnection she has to this guy. She stops messaging him, she goes out and begins to meet new people. She starts feeling good and is no longer thinking about that guy.
Two months later she receives a call at six in the morning. It’s him. After not hearing from this guy, after he completely ghosts her he lets her know that he cares about her well being and wants to know how she is doing. Of course, this must mean he really cares about her, I mean it wasn’t like the call came through at one in the morning, she thinks. So once again she finds herself wrapped up in whatever “this” is.
What soon develops in them hooking up here and there, there and here. It’s all unpredictable. Although she wants more than just a hookup, she makes excuses for him. She tells me how his true feelings come out (sometimes) when they are alone together at night. She argues that he is different at two in the morning.
My friend is smart and independent, yet she continues to put her self in a situation that we all at some point have allowed for far too long. The one in which we make excuses for someone who doesn’t reply or can’t fully commit because (insert shitty excuse here) you know the person who is inconsistent. Forty minutes into our conversation I realize that most of our conversations have been spent talking about a guy who is emotionally unavailable, but my friend still continues to make excuses and dissecting whatever she can about this ordeal.
Realistically, there is no excuse. While she is here venting about him, he is not. That’s the thing, you see so often we make excuses and drag out a situation when in all reality there is no excuse. If someone wants to be with you, they will make it known. If someone is emotionally unavailable, guess what that person is emotionally unavailable.
So often too much energy is given to the wrong person. This is because sometimes it is easier to stick with what we know even if it’s not a good situation or doesn’t make you feel good, than just letting go and accepting reality. Accepting reality would mean actually dealing with what you are feeling, and for some reason for so many including my self, at times we just rather not. However, when you actually let go of whatever is breaking your peace and don’t run back to it at the first sign of your emotions emerging guess what, you eventually move on.
You have to understand that letting go of someone who you’ve had a deep connection with doesn’t happen overnight. You are going to feel feelings that are not so nice, remember your brain made connections during the time you were with that person, now that they are gone your brain needs to find new ways to connect. Allow your brain time to do so. Yes, this means staying away when those not so nice feelings come up. If you allow yourself to feel those emotions and do something else instead of going back you will rewire your brain and eventually move on. Instead of chasing people who drain your energy- chase adventure, open roads, starlit skies, salty waters. Connect with yourself. Give your cells time to shed. I promise you, you will move on.