It’s always such a special experience to have someone tell you that they love you. When you are told that you are loved, you feel a sense of hope, dignity, authenticity, and realness. You feel very optimistic about life and you feel a sense of happiness to know that you’re wanted by someone in such a genuine and intimate manner. When you are told that you are loved, you get a feeling of calmness and soothing.
You feel like all of your fears, anxieties, and insecurities are all fading away bit by bit. And whenever you have someone tell you that they love you, it can feel like the most beautiful thing in the world. However, it can also be the most terrible thing to ever happen to you.
When I was told that I was loved by someone, I didn’t just hear them out and understand its true meaning. I really took it to heart. I swallowed it up. I absorbed those words with all of my being. I believed those words to be the genuine truth and I let it dictate my overall happiness and contentment with life. I totally owned up to the fantasies that I formed for myself. I always imagined us to be the kind of couple that everyone else wanted to become.
We were so in love with one another. I genuinely believed that we were lucky to have one another. We were always feeling so safe and secure in one another. We were both looking forward to having a future where we would be spending the rest of our days together. Well, at least that’s what everyone saw on the outside. They never really saw everything that was going on inside the relationship. They were outsiders and they were blind to the real happenings of our relationship.
The truth is that in the core of our relationship, things were less than ideal. There was a lot of darkness and toxicity there. It was painful. It was totally unbearable. I didn’t know how I was able to sustain myself in those conditions. I was desperate to get out of it. It was like I was on a lifeboat that was helplessly casting along the seas with no sight of the shore. I was desperate to get back to land. And I was lucky enough to eventually work my way back to a land of safety. I was able to get out of the relationship before it was able to suck me back in.
However, you shouldn’t take that to mean that I regret that relationship. I don’t regret staying in that relationship for so long. I don’t regret the two of us ever meeting because if I hadn’t met you, then I never would have understood real pain. I never would have experienced having my soul torn apart like that.
I was bent and broken in so many places and it was all because of you. But I don’t regret any of it at all. It was through the brokenness in my soul wherein light was able to seep in. I realized that before I could become a better person, I really needed to take a look into what the relationship was really made of before I could get to where I needed to be. And for the longest time, I refused to look at my relationship in the ways that I needed to.
You should know that our relationship is one that I would never want to experience again for the rest of my life. It’s not something that I would never want to get back into. Yes, you taught me a lot of things that I needed to learn. You taught me a lot of aspects of love that I needed to experience for myself. And even though they weren’t the prettiest and most beautiful parts of love, they were necessary lessons.
It wasn’t always a happy environment with you, but it was always felt so lively. I always felt so alive whenever I was with you. You were my entire my life. Our relationship was my entire being. You were my grandest source of happiness even though you were also my greatest cause of sorrow.
It was a struggle being with you but in a way, it was also one of my greatest pleasures. I always take great pride in knowing that I had that relationship with you even though we didn’t work out. You might have caused me a great deal of pain, but you also gave me the lessons I needed to fully understand what love is all about.
It’s because of you that I have such a profound understanding of what love is. It’s because of you that I know that love isn’t always going to be pretty. But you also taught me that there is a love that is worth fighting for – but you just have to know if it’s the right kind of love. You always have to be strong for love.