If One More Person Tells Me The Right Guy Will Come Along, I’m Gonna Lose It

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As a single woman, there’s a phrase I’ve heard so many times that it basically makes me want to spontaneously combust with rage every single time. “The right guy will come along!” Will he, though? Really? Even if I do end up meeting someone really amazing in the end, I’m so sick of hearing that condescending BS — here’s why:

1. THE PERSON SAYING IT CAN’T POSSIBLY KNOW.
It’s annoying to be assured by someone that some magical unicorn of a guy will come riding into my life and sweep me off my feet because it requires no actual thought or consideration for my particular situation. People say that to me and feel like they’re somehow helping, but I’m still over here single as hell and feeling pretty lonely sometimes.

2. A GUY ISN’T THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING.
Also, don’t assume that I want a guy to come along unless I expressly say so. So many people think that the band-aid to other worries to tell me that I’ll be happier once I find love. No, dummies. I’ll be happier once I learn to love myself more. Don’t minimize the importance of self-love. It’s everything.

3. MAYBE I LIKE BEING SINGLE.
It’s possible that being single is a choice, by the way. Yes, I do get lonely sometimes, and I do despair of ever meeting the right person. Still, right now I know that single life is the right decision for me. There’s so much I want to do and plan and see. It’s annoying when people assume that finding the right guy is all I want.

4. EVEN IF I WANT A GUY, THOSE WORDS ARE EMPTY.
It’s just like telling me that I can accomplish any dream I have. In theory, it’s not wrong, but it’s also not necessarily true. Sure it’s possible, but a lot of things are possible. It doesn’t mean they will happen. I hate empty words and platitudes. It shows me that people don’t actually listen or think about how they reply.

5. IT SOUNDS PATRONIZING AND CONDESCENDING.
Might as well pat me on the head too. Ugh. I have very real concerns about finding a guy who’s suited to me. I’m a unique individual and I’m very complicated. I don’t want the same things out of life that most people do. I know that’ll make it harder to find a compatible partner. I’m realistic about it. Hearing tired old reassurances from people who aren’t invested in the situation is rather insulting.

6. HELP A GIRL OUT!
Instead of saying crap that doesn’t mean anything, why don’t people offer real help? Introduce me to someone who might be perfect for me. Offer suggestions on where I could go to meet guys who are like me. Hell, go to some of those places with me and be a wingman or wingwoman. This is real constructive assistance and helps a lot more than telling me that some guy is gonna just drop in my lap.

7. UNFORTUNATELY, NO ONE IS GUARANTEED LOVE.
I’m not being cynical, just realistic. It’s true. I could end up with someone, but it might not be the best person for me. I could just decide to settle for something “good enough” or I can hold out for something great and know that it just might not happen. I know that I must have an open mind and know that love could come from where I least expect. I don’t want to miss out on it.

8. DATING ISN’T MY PRIMARY FOCUS.
It’s just not. I want to find a wonderful man but I’m not going to spend all my time and energy doing that. Life’s too short for that BS. If he doesn’t come along and find me, then I guess I’m screwed. Oh well. I don’t want to hear anyone feeling sorry for me that I don’t have a guy. Shut up. I’m so much more than that.

9. OFFER REAL, HELPFUL IDEAS.
Okay, suppose that I’m talking specifically about my dating life and require a response. Please take the time to say something that’s thoughtful and helpful instead of tired and trite. Telling me that the right guy will come along doesn’t help me at all. What am I supposed to do, just sit back and wait and hope and dream?

10. FINDING THE RIGHT GUY ISN’T EASY.
First of all, I have to be open to meeting him. I have to know that he might not look like the guy I envision. I have to let myself be vulnerable and take changes. There’s all this on my end, and that’s assuming that the right guy actually does come along at all. Seriously, though, I’m so tired of hearing it. I meet so many crappy guys all the time that I’m losing hope.

11. IT’S NOT LIKE HE’LL JUST SHOW UP.
I mean, he could — never say never. Right now, though? I can’t even find a guy I’m interested in spending an hour with, let alone a lifetime. It gets really discouraging, and that’s why it pisses me off so much when anyone flippantly states that I just need to be patient and it’ll happen. Maybe it won’t! Maybe it will! Whatever! Just stop saying it! Stop diminishing the difficulty I’m having with love right now!

12. THOSE WORDS, EVEN WHEN MEANT WITH GOOD INTENT, DON’T HELP ME.
I probably sound super harsh, but I’m trying to prove a point. My point is that most people aren’t sure what they should say or they are simply too lazy to put in the effort to come up with a thoughtful answer. It doesn’t mean that they mean any harm. On the other hand, they aren’t doing me any good. I end up feeling like they don’t take me seriously or like they think I’m being silly. That sucks. I don’t like it.

By Amy Horton for Bolde

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