Every now and then I work up some courage and send you a message. Five minutes go by. Then 10. Then an hour.
Or even worse you have opened it and you just don’t feel like responding to me. Most people would assume you are busy. I don’t have this luxury. The voice in the back of my head immediately kicks in to remind me I’m a bother and you probably don’t actually like me. Depression is a schoolyard bully always around to remind me I’m a pain in the butt. It tells me I’m annoying, boring and stupid. By you not responding, my worst fear was validated: that I’m a burden. Depression tells me you clearly don’t want to talk to me or else you would.
Eventually I calm down and realize you not responding has nothing to do with me. There are millions of reasons why you could be busy. The truth is, when you take your time and invest it into someone else and they don’t make an effort, it’s on them.
Knowing it’s not your fault is like putting a band aid on a shark bite. It helps very little but it doesn’t relieve insecurity and doubt.
When you are putting so much of your self-worth into someone else, you aren’t loving them. You’re hurting yourself. Your future may or may not involve them but you are strong and you deserve better than confusion and hurt. The best thing to do when insecurity moves in is to put your phone away and relax. Feelings are temporary. Don’t let them damage your heart and the way you see yourself. You’re amazing and your life is so much bigger than one person.