Depression is a very personal thing. It is not “one size fits all”. It is a disease that does not discriminate, nobody is immune. Unlike a broken bone, the damage and pain is not visual. The treatment is not as simple as a plaster cast, or rest up, or here have some painkillers…
I have lived with depression and anxiety for nearly 15 years now and only about 10% of my friends, family, and work colleagues would be aware. Over time you start to become really good at hiding it from the world. I let them see the strong, independent, funny career woman… and that is a part of me. They don’t see the girl who gives everything to everyone else but has not learnt to love herself.
Everyone has moments where they are sad, but for most people there is a reason for their sadness. The scary thing about depression and anxiety is one minute you are fine and then it can hit you like a freight train , and there is this overwhelming sense of emptiness. There are days I will sob uncontrollably, my heart feels like it will jump out of my chest, all my senses are heightened and pure and utter panic runs through my body. For no reason.
One of the hardest things to do is try to explain depression to someone who has never experienced it before. I have watched my parents and loved ones breakdown and cry on a number of occasions. Not due to frustration, or anger but due to the fact how can they help me if I don’t know what is wrong, if I can’t help myself? And the answer to this for me is just there… on different days this means different things. Some days I want to be left alone, others I need someone to be there and just let me cry and some days i need them to make me get up and do something as simple as going for a walk.
Loving someone with depression is not easy, no love is.. but I can promise you this… I do not do things by halves. I love with every inch of me, I feel things others do not, I appreciate the little things in life and I will always be there for you… just don’t give up on me.