Love & life are crazy things to grasp. One day you’re single loving life at the bar with your buddies, then in walks the love of your life & everything 180s. Or perhaps you’re in a relationship with the love of your life and that relationship falls apart turning your life upside down.
A lot of things can lead to relationships going awry whether it be stress, mental illness, constant argument, loss of attraction, dishonesty, infidelity, or maybe it just didn’t work out.
When relationships go awry sometimes it can turn one or both partners lives into a tailspin. Sometimes we’re not even sure why we end relationships. Maybe we just yearn for a little space. Relationships can be a lot to handle sometimes especially with outside stressors like work, school or family drama, for example.
If your partner requests space… FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GIVE IT TO THEM. Even if you don’t understand why he or she wants the space, allow it if you ever want to rekindle the flame.
Space is not always a bad thing. It may not have been what you wanted or saw happening with your relationship, but it’s what your partner feels needs to happen to regain the love he or she once had for you. Remember the expression “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
Everyone wants to feel important to their partner, but no one wants to feel like they are being suffocated and forced back into the relationship before any change occurs. No one likes being controlled.
1. Sulking is not an option
You’re allowed to hurt. Hurting is the only way to properly heal. Sometimes things in life may hurt you. You may think you’re lost without something or someone… Like you’re broken as an individual. Living in doubt, fear or wishing things worked out the way you had hoped is living in the past. Stop making excuses, take accountability for your actions and make a positive change in your life.
With that being said, if you want to cry, cry! But don’t let it overtake your life. You still have a life to live. Do not dwell on regrets to the point where you are unable to live your own life.
2. Do not beg for someone’s love
If your partner wants space, in order to reevaluate the relationship, allow it. Most relationships are built upon a friendship, so giving space is difficult when your significant other is also your best friend, but it is necessary to respect your partner’s boundaries. In some occurrences, if you do not respect your partners’ requested space, he or she may feel it is time to walk away from the relationship forever.
You cannot make someone love you. You can only control your own life. Forcing someone to love you through guilt or begging will only result in the relationship failing in the future anyway. So in the meantime, better yourself and allow him or her to come back to you on their own terms.
3. Avoid social media
In this day in age, aka the cellular era, it is difficult to deal with a break in a relationship or a breakup, due to always having your phone on you and always wanting to check your social media accounts. In a way, millennial’s have made it extremely difficult for themselves to leave an ex-lover alone, or get over an ex-lover properly, due to habit and impulse.
25 years ago none of this would have existed. There was no Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter or even devices to make contact on, besides the house phone, and the well extinct beeper. You couldn’t always know what someone else was up to, who was liking their pictures or if they were even interested in someone else… life was a mystery and that was probably a good thing.
In some occurrences, we may not like what we see on our ex’s social media after a breakup or when space is required. However, worrying about their life is violating their space. The hardest way to handle this is to delete your social media or unfollow them on all accounts. If you rekindle you can follow them again; if not there is no reason to follow them anyway. No one wants to see their ex with their new lover, especially if the feelings are still there.
4. Do not attempt to fill the void
When a relationship ends, specifically a long term relationship, individuals go through a roller coaster of emotions. Like mentioned before, some don’t remember how to live on their own, so they attempt to fill the space, left by their ex, with someone else, doing all the things with the new individual, that he or she did with their ex.
Maybe this individual has been a friend for a while, a classmate, a coworker, or he or she simply dove into the DMs.. this is not the way to get over someone correctly.
The old expression goes “you get over someone, by getting under someone else.” While this is great at times, as it fulfills our sexual desires, this does not allow us to properly heal.
A lot of times when an individual is in this state, he or she is vulnerable. Someone new brings fire and excitement into his or her life, but does that mean it’s the proper way to handle your love life? No. It is not. The reason behind this is because when this occurs the person is crippling themselves.
This is not allowing the alone time to mend their own issues in their life, deal with the sadness from the previous relationship or even allowing time to breathe, for that matter.
When this happens you will either dive into a relationship prematurely, which will probably fall flat on it faces, as there are probably still feelings for your ex or you will make the other person catch feelings and then crush them, due to the fact that you are simply not ready for another relationship, and they are nothing more than a rebound.
Remember space is key to healing whether you rekindle with your ex or start with someone new. You need to have confidence in yourself and love yourself before you make an attempt at loving someone else.
5. Take advantage of the space
Maybe you needed space, as well, and you didn’t even know it. Space is good for everyone. Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, sometimes it’s best just to grow on your own, living your own life.
Sometimes during a long-term relationship one or both parties, will use their significant other, as a figurative crutch. You are only an individual, you need to be able to stand on your own before you attempt to support someone else.
Remember you were alive and well before meeting this person. Learn how to find that once again.
6. Open your mind
In relationships, we get into routines. We do the same things, over and over again, out of comfort.
Do things that you are not comfortable doing or have simply never been opened to doing. If you’re afraid of heights… go skydiving or climb to the top of a mountain and look down. If you have feelings you want to get out, but never wanted to talk to anyone before.. see a counselor, go to a group therapy session, or take out a pen and paper and just write. Expression is everything in life. You will never be happy bottling up your emotions, so open your mind, let out your feelings, and find your inner peace! Don’t let the judgment of others or the stigma behind certain activities get in the way of your growth and healing. Anyone who is not accepting is probably not a real friend anyway.
7. Find an outlet
When most relationships end, life goes into a turmoil and stress and depression ensue. One way to beat stress and depression is to find a way to release your emotions. Finding an outlet to keep your mind off your ex, to quote DJ Khaled, is “Major key.” Ways to release this emotion and occupy the mind can come from physical or intellectual activities.
These can consist of writing in a journal, joining a gym, joining an intramural sports league, hiking, learning to cook, writing music or poems, or doing volunteer work to help the less fortunate.
When in search of an outlet, during this vulnerable time, you should avoid depressants. You’re already in your feelings, alcohol or drugs will only make your life more painful.
8. Be patient & remember this is your time, too
Whatever you do throughout this process you need to focus on yourself, while leaving your ex alone, until they feel comfortable contacting you. So like Elsa from “Frozen” sang proudly, “Let it go, Let it go.” Remember this is what he or she wanted and you need to respect that if you ever want them to think about a life with you down the road… Remember “All roads lead to Rome” and To quote Bebe Rexah and Florida Georgia Line, “If it’s meant to be it’ll be, it’ll be, baby just let it be.”