Does it ever seem like you’re the only one who isn’t interested in meaningless, casual sex? Did you try Tinder for a couple days before realizing you really don’t want to show up at a strange guy’s place at 2am, have sex, and then leave, never to speak to him again? You’re not alone. Hookup culture has made dating harder for everyone. While some people would rather ride the trend (no pun intended) and embrace casual sex for now, others can’t help but be a little old fashioned about the whole thing. It may not seem like it sometimes, but dating is still possible even when it seems like everyone just wants to hook up.
1. DON’T USE TINDER.If you don’t want to hook up, don’t use an app where everyone is just looking for hook ups. Sure, maybe your co-worker’s cousin’s best friend met her husband on Tinder, but to quote He’s Just Not That Into You, she’s the exception, not the rule.
2. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT MORE OFTEN.If a guy suggests coming by his place for a drink, and you’re suspicious that he thinks it’s going to be one of those “watch a movie” scenarios, listen to your intuition. Don’t put yourself in situations where you will have to dodge his sexual advances.
3. DON’T GET SO DRUNK ON “DATES”.After a few drinks, hooking up doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. But if you know you’ll regret it the next day, maybe keeping a few of those inhibitions intact would be a wise decision.
4. BE CLEAR THAT YOU DON’T WANT A HOOKUP.If it’s acceptable for guys to blatantly say they only want sex, then it’s also acceptable for you to say you don’t. He’s free to move on to someone else, and so are you. No relationship is going to happen between two people who want different things anyway, so don’t waste each other’s time.
5. DON’T RUSH INTO HAVING SEX.You may think it’s safe to have sex with him after a few dates. He’s put in the effort, so he must be interested in something more long-term. Not always the case. Some guys just like the chase, and once you give it up, they’ll be M.I.A.
6. PREPARE FOR SOME DATE-LESS WEEKENDS.Ever notice how your Tinder and online dating profiles get a lot more action close to the weekend? That’s because everyone is looking for last minute dates. A guy who is interested in more than a hook up will make the effort to talk to you before 5pm on a Friday. So if he doesn’t, maybe just stay in with your Netflix this weekend instead.
7. DON’T EVER USE SEX TO GET A GUY TO LIKE YOU.You might think you’re spectacular in bed, and as soon as he realizes your skills, he’ll never want to let you go. But that’s rarely the case. While great sex is an important factor for guys who do want a relationship, if he doesn’t, it’s not going to make much of a difference. Best case scenario? You just end up being a hookup buddy.
8. DON’T GET DISCOURAGED.It’s easy to get fed up with dating when it never seems to go the way you want it to, but there are lot of things about dating that you can’t control, and you can’t let every set back get you down. Stick to your guns, and eventually what you’re looking for will come along.
9. DON’T ENTERTAIN THOSE LATE NIGHT BOOTY CALL TEXTS.It can hard to ignore them sometimes, especially if you wouldn’t mind a little action too. But if you really want something more serious to develop with this guy, drunk sexting isn’t going to help you. Wait until tomorrow to ask him what his intentions are going forward.
10. IF A GUY SAYS HE’S NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS, BELIEVE HIM.If you straight up ask him what he wants, and he tells you he wants to keep it casual, then he wants to keep it casual. You won’t be able to convince him otherwise. Then it’s your choice whether or not that is good enough for you.
11. TRY TO AVOID TALKING ABOUT SEX TOO EARLY.Flirting is one thing, but blatantly asking about sexual preferences early on in a relationship probably isn’t going to turn out very well. If he’d rather know your favorite position than your favorite movie, you know he’s not looking for anything serious.