The Most Confusing Relationship Of Your Life Will Be With The Boy You Almost Dated

You have no idea where you stand with him. Whenever you think you have him figured out, he does something that brings you right back to square one.

When he flirts with you over the phone, when he texts you at ten in the morning just to say hello, when he invites you over to hang out one-on-one because he doesn’t want anyone else in the room to ruin your chemistry, you are convinced that he likes you.

But when he takes two days to answer a simple text message, cancels plans an hour before you’re supposed to meet up with him, and acts distant out of nowhere without an explanation as to what’s going on, you are convinced that he is going to break your heart in half.

You keep going back and forth, thinking that you’re going to end up together when the times are good and then thinking that he doesn’t like you as much as you like him when the times are rough.

He makes zero sense. One day, he acts like he is falling in love with you. And the next day, he acts like he has better things to do than spend time with you.

That’s why, one day, you love him for how alive he makes you feel. And the next day, you hate him for making you doubt yourself, for confusing the hell out of you.

But, since you’re living in the world of modern dating, you try not to overstep your boundaries. You try not to scare him away by drilling him about how he feels or pushing him to commit. You play it calm. You play it cool.

You try your best to enjoy the moment, to avoid asking questions that will complicate your situation. When he holds your hand, you squeeze it back instead of asking him exactly what it means. And when he leans in for a kiss, you go with the flow instead of having a conversation about what your relationship status actually is.

But when you’re home alone that night, still without any idea of what he wants, you drive yourself crazy. You wish you would have spoken up when you had the chance. You wish you knew what he wanted from you so you could stop playing these guessing games.

As much as you like him, you hate what he puts you through.

You hate how he makes you feel beautiful when he’s in a flirtatious mood and then makes you feel ugly when he eventually ignores your messages.

You hate how he acts like you’re the only girl he wants and then follows it up with mixed signals that say actually maybe he isn’t so sure. 

You hate how often he makes you overthink, overanalyze, overeact. You hate how confusing he is.

You hate how you feel like you know him so well, but at the same time, you don’t know him at all. You don’t know the most important thing — how he feels about you — and you don’t know if you ever will.

By Holly Riordan for ThoughtCatalog