Your Soulmate Isn’t Who You Think It Is

We all have our own romanticized notions of what it will be like when we find true love. How it’ll go. What it’ll feel like. What he or she will look like, sound like, act like. Even kiss like. And every once in a while, we actually meet that person. There they are! In the bar standing next to us! Or down the hall at work! Or in the line at the bookstore! They’re perfect. Everything we imagined. And so we engage. And chase. And pursue. And assume our very best behavior.And fight for a chance at that perfect union we’ve imagined in our heads for so long.And sometimes it works! We get their phone number. And a date! And a second date! And sometimes it even goes a month or two! But then at some point, it runs afoul.

What once seemed effortless becomes arduous.

The perfect conversations suddenly don’t flow as easily.

The shine has worn off the apple. It’s work, now. And who has time for that?

And here’s where many a relationship come to an unfortunate end.

Because the other person thinks it should only be constant magic. That anything else is merely a false symbol.

But we still chase them! We want it back! We think of what we can do to possibly salvage this sinking ship. Should we change ourselves? Adjust our behavior? Change our whole personality? After all: this is love. Surely it’s worth sacrificing for, no?

No, I’m here to say. It’s not.

Because there’s a big, horrible idea out there in the world of romance:

That if it’s not hard, it’s not real.

True romance must be earned, we believe. Struggled for. Barely survived.

If it comes easy, it’s wrong. Shallow. Too simple.

We must suffer for love. We must cry with certain regularity. Lose our faith time and time again only to barely regain it again.

I humbly submit that such a belief is the romantic equivalent of 100% grade-A bullshit.

Perhaps it comes from our culture’s puritanical beginnings. The notion that anything great is worth suffering for.

And while I agree that love takes work, patience and forgiveness, I don’t think it should involve perpetual, ongoing damage-control.

If the relationship you’re in takes constant, ongoing acrobatic maneuvers to keep it afloat, then it’s not a relationship; it’s a doomsday project.

Relationships, in general, should be easy.

If they’re taking a ton of work, a ton of the time, something’s wrong.

Chances are either that:

A) One (or both) of you is not a stable enough person to even be in a relationship to begin with, and you need to go off on your own to learn how to keep yourself perfectly happy with nothing more than yourself to sustain you. (And yes, I’ve been this person many times.)

B) One of you has unrealistic expectations of what the other is supposed to provide them on a regular basis. (And yes, I’ve been this person, too.) They think you’re supposed to keep them constantly entertained. Or wined and dined. Or sexually pleasured. Or emotionally rescued. Or financially bailed out.

Which is why I say the following:

Don’t chase the person you can barely hold on to when you’re at the top of your game.

Seek out the person you can be happy with even when you’re having a bad day. Or week. Or month.

Because those days will happen, many, many times over the course of a relationship.

And the person who’s only happy with you when you’re a superhero will not stick around when you finally become a mortal again and need them to be there for you, instead.

So skip the supermodel. The pursuit of own your personal Jessica Alba or David Beckham. It might be heaven for a week or two, but they’d probably dump you as soon as you failed to be the emblem of perfection for more than 2-3 seconds in a row.

That perfect pairing with the Mister or Miss Right we’ve all imagined in our hearts isn’t going to survive the endless ordinary days that real life is fraught with.

The person who’s truly right for you is probably cleverly disguised as the one you work with every day. Or the one who you’ve casually known in your circle of friends for five years. Who has seen you at your best and at your worst. And is still there, a big believer in your immense potential. And is probably an amazing kisser if you’d just give them a chance.

That’s the person it’s going to be genuinely easy with over the long haul.

So the next time you’re looking for the one, don’t look up on some stage or pedestal for some shining realization of your fantasies. Turn around and look behind you. At the person you might have overlooked. The person who is quietly everything you need them to be and more.

You just have to give them a deeper look.

by 

 

Related article:

This Is What Your Soulmate Looks Like Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Your soulmate.

Aries (March 21 April 19)

Your soulmate looks like someone who is unpredictable. As an Aries, you are constantly looking to mix things up. You hate it when your life gets boring. You hate it when you get stuck in a rut. You abhor getting comfortable in a routine. That’s why you always like to accept the challenge of being with someone who is unpredictable and volatile it’s always going to be exciting for you.

Taurus (April 20 May 21)

Your soulmate looks like someone who really gets you. As a Taurus, you tend to be very stubborn and set in your ways. You are not very receptive of opposing views and you don’t handle criticism well. And most of all, you don’t like having to explain yourself. That’s why it would be a lot better for you to just be with someone who understands you without you having to explain yourself.

Gemini (May 22 June 21)

Your soulmate looks like someone who reminds you of the important things. As a Gemini, you can often get caught up in the superficiality of life and you end up losing sight of the important stuff. You need someone who actually opens your eyes to the depths of the universe.

Cancer (June 22 July 22)

Your soulmate looks like someone who doesn’t play hard to get. As a Cancer, you are someone who usually tends to be very withdrawn. You know that you have a fragile heart and you are very prone to getting hurt. So that’s why it makes sense for you to be with someone who doesn’t play games with you. You want someone who makes you feel comfortable about opening up.

Leo (July 23 August 22)

Your soulmate looks like someone who stands toe to toe with you. As a Leo, you think incredibly highly of yourself. Others would even go as far so as to label you as conceited and self-absorbed. You have a very intense personality which can be a lot for people to handle sometimes. That’s why it makes sense for your soulmate to be with someone who actually matches your intense personality.

Virgo (August 23 September 22)

Your soulmate looks like someone who accepts your true self. As a Virgo, you are constantly judging the people around you because of your perfectionist nature. But you don’t handle being judged all too well yourself. That’s why you need to be with someone who doesn’t make you feel judged or criticized.

Libra (September 23 October 22)

Your soulmate looks like someone who isn’t threatened by you. As a Libra, it is highly likely that you are considered as one of the social elites. And whoever you wind up being in a relationship with must be comfortable with that fact. They have to be okay with the idea of you always beings surrounded by good looking people because those are the kinds of people you attract in your life.

Scorpio (October 23 November 22)

Your soulmate looks like someone who challenges you and protects you at the same time. As a Scorpio, you tend to live life on the extremes. You are in dire need of healthy doses of moderation. That’s why you need to be in a relationship with someone who challenges you to be better, but also makes you feel safe about who you are.

Sagittarius (November 23 December 21)

Your soulmate looks like someone who keeps you grounded. As a Sagittarius, you are a natural wanderer. Like to roam wherever your heart and soul takes you. You never like the feeling of being tied down and restrained. You are a rebel in that sense. You always like to be doing your own thing. But, you need some stability in your life. And that’s why your soulmate should be someone who keeps you grounded while also allowing you to be free-spirited still.

Capricorn (December 22 January 20)

Your soulmate looks like someone who accepts your flaws. You may come off as a very intense person as a Capricorn, but you are also deeply insecure about who you are. You need a partner who doesn’t feed into your insecurities; but rather, lifts you up instead.

Aquarius (January 21 February 18)

Your soulmate looks like someone whose brainpower actually matches yours. As an Aquarius, you can be a struggle to understand. You are just very smart and not a lot of people can keep up with you on an intellectual level. That’s why your soulmate should be someone who is just as intelligent as you.

Pisces (February 19 March 20)

Your soulmate looks like someone who pushes you to be better. As a Pisces, you tend to have a very weak personality. You are deeply emotional and empathetic. But sometimes, that makes you susceptible to having people walk all over you. And as a result, you end up settling for a life of mediocrity. You deserve more than that. You need a soulmate who pushes and encourages you to go after the things you want most out of life.