The Difference Between True Love And Attachment

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Sometimes, love and attachment gets twisted into one another. Sometimes, the lines get so blurred, that you become blind to what is happening around you. And you can’t tell what is real anymore. 

But, the difference between unhealthy attachment, and true love is in fact clear as day.

Attachment is needing. It’s toxic. It’s only being ok when you are with that person. It is not being able to live without them. It is thinking that they are the reason you are on this earth. It is the idea that you are not complete without that person.

Love is falling without even realizing it. It’s slow. It’s delicate. It’s being ok without that person. It’s letting that person have their own space. It’s wanting what is best for that person, even if it means not being in their life anymore. It’s accepting that sometimes, what is best for you, is not best for them.

Attachment is clingy.

It is 24/7 thoughts of them. It is letting other relationships fade because the one with him is the most important. It is not accepting life without them. It is not being happy on your own. It is always being afraid they will leave. It is always being anxious about your future with them.

Love is accepting that what is meant to be, will be.

It is being your own person outside of that relationship. It is being happy on your own, and with your other friendships. It is not being afraid of your future with this person. Because you are confident in that love. And you are confident it will withstand anything if that is what is meant to be.

Attachment is not seeing this persons flaws. It is thinking they are pure perfection and they can do no wrong. It is defending this person even if they hurt you. It is a constant cycle of blindness.

Love is fighting. It is having real arguments about life. It is seeing this person’s flaws and accepting them. It is loving this person despite their poor qualities. It is communication about your problems. It is communication about your differences, and what makes your relationship hard. It is work. It is always hard work.

Attachment is easy. Because it isn’t real. It isn’t true love. It’s just a blurry line of insecurities and self hatred.

Love isn’t easy. It’s hard. It’s compromise. It’s sweat and tears. It’s hardships and reconciliation. It’s fights and makeups.

Attachment is just surface level communication. It is dangerous. It is believing they are the only thing that matters in your life.

Love is letting them go if that is what is needed. It is letting fate take it’s course. It is accepting that it is not meant to be. And it is being okay even if it hurts like hell. Because you know love like that will come again.And you’ll be fine.

By Lauren Jarvis-Gibson for ThoughtCatalog

Related article:

7 Signs Of True Love From A Man

Speaking of love, I’m excited to bring you this week’s video because I discuss the seven signs of TRUE love from a man. I hear all the time from women how often they become confused about whether or not a man really lovesthem and if he is serious about his feelings.

The adage “actions speak louder than words” rings truer than ever when it comes to dating and relationships. Anyone can tell you what you want to hear – but only someone who actually MEANS what they say will make sure their actions back up their words.

 

1. He includes you ineverypart of his life.

When a man loves a woman he wants to integrate her into his life, and bring her around his family and friends. He wants them to love you, and for you to love them. He wants you to be an extension of him and include you in important events and milestones.

2. He tries to give more than he takes.

Real love is about giving and contributing to your partner’s life. A man who loves you will give to you in the best ways he knows how. He will care for you, respect you, listen to you, and adore you. He won’t drain your energy or make you feel like giving is only one sided. Great relationships are not about give and take, they are about give and give.

You were two separate individuals, but now are a combined team. When a man is in love he will see you as inseparable. This includes when RSVPing to an event, talking about a vacation, or looking into the future,  Where he goes, he wants you to go and vice versa.  It is no longer ‘my life,’ it is ‘our life.’

4. He really sees YOU.

How many people really see you? How many people hear what you’re not saying?

A man who loves you will pay such close attention to you that he will notice details that nobody else does. He will learn what makes you happy, sad, angry, or ecstatic. This awareness will help him love your more. It shows him all the small details he loves about you.

5. Your happiness ishishappiness.

When a man truly loves you he shares in your happiness and lends you his strength to ease your pain. Being in love is about being teammates who always supporting each other. A man in love will want to see you happy and work to make it happen.

6. He’s there for you even on the rainy days.

Life is not always sunshine and rainbows. It can be difficult. Any man can stay next to you on the sunny days, but the true test of his love will be during the rainy days. Does he hold the “umbrella” over you on the rainy days?

There will be challenges, losses, and failures, but the right man will stand in front of you when you need protection, behind you when you need support, and next to you when you need a partner.

When a man truly loves and cares about you he will make it known. He will put in the effort consistently, and back up his words with actions. You won’t have to wonder about his feelings, he will tell you and show you.

by 

This article originally appeared on James Michael Sama’s Blog

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