This Is Why I Let You Go

You. Yes, you.

You are just a lesson learned now, my darling. You no longer cause me pain, nor bitterness in my heart. You’re not the love of my life anymore. My heart is no longer whispering your beautiful name. I no longer long for your touch in each moment. I no longer see you in my future. My heart is no longer skipping a crazy beat when I remember you. I don’t get butterflies in my stomach anymore every time you cross my mind. My life is already fixed in firm and perfect patterns.

I have traveled through pain to find myself. Letting you go was one of the most difficult things I had to do. I just didn’t let you go, I let it all go, everything.

I’m not guilty for saying this, but I’m done with you. It’s as simple as that.

I’m done with being always there for you, the one who is always ready to give you multiple chances.

I’m done crying silently at night because I let the pain burned into ashes and the loneliness withered like the dead wildflowers in the hedgerow.

And when I looked into the mirror, I finally recognized myself. The smile lit up the whole world. The appearance of happiness, confidence, and strength showed through, after all, I’ve survived a ton of hell.

You. Yes, you.

You made me realize that I deserve all the happiness in the world. You made me realize that I needed to love myself more than anything else.

I stopped being too hard on myself. I stopped walking around for the smallest crumb of your attention and love. I stopped fighting for you. I stopped giving you the entire ocean and the vast sky above. I stopped looking for the monsters under my pillow.

Yes, I gave up on you but that doesn’t mean I’m weak. It doesn’t mean I’m desperate and hopeless. It doesn’t mean I lost interest. It means I woke up from these nightmares. It means I finally understood the difference between being patient and wasting time.

You. Yes, you.

I let you go because I have realized that I can’t continue loving someone who doesn’t love me. I let you go because I don’t want to give you all of me, all the pieces of myself to you.

I let you go because when I looked at you the last time we met, I no longer see you as my guardian angel who always saves me from the demons around me.

I let you go because I want you to have the happiness you didn’t find in me. And when we cross paths again and look at each other, we’ll both look back and say, “It’s all for the best.”

I let you go because I deserve the best. I deserve a love that’s beautiful and worth living. I deserve someone who plans a future with me, the one who stands by me with the test of time. Someone who values a commitment and protects my heart from pain and the one who accepts every bit of me.

I let you go because I don’t want to keep the painful barbs of indifference around me that’s keeping my heart filled with bitterness and pain. Just like the sunset, letting you go is the most beautiful thing I ever did.

You. Yes, you.

Thank you. Thank you for the lessons. Thank you for the heartaches. Thank you for everything. Thank you for letting me learn all the ways of love and because of that, I don’t trust people anymore. That each time I look at them, I question their sincerity, existence, and motives. Each time I look at them I wonder if I still have something to offer them because it feels like the trust I have within me is totally shattered.

One day, I will find someone who will give me the best love I deserve. The one who accepts me with his whole heart and the one who will hold my hand and stays, guiding me aright always. And until that time, perhaps I will learn how to trust again.

By Bea C. Pilotin for ThoughtCatalog

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I Love You Enough To Let You Go

You came into my life like a breath of fresh air. Like somehow the universe knew we needed to meet. I fell in love with you faster than anyone I had ever me. To be honest, I’m fairly certain I fell in love with you the first time we kissed.

You once asked me how I knew I was in love with you and that I didn’t just love the idea of you. I wasn’t sure what to say at the time because I was so caught off guard in that moment.

But, I do now…

I know I love you because I have to catch my breath every time I see you. When you get near me my heart skips a beat and I get butterflies like it’s the first time meeting you. I lose myself in our conversations, we get together and it flows so naturally, so effortlessly.

I know I love you because I opened my soul to you. You’ve seen my light and my dark, and you’ve never judged either side. You’re the only one in the world that knows my full truth. I trust you with everything that I have, and everything that I am. To this very day you are the only person that knows the full me.

I know I love you because my heart has never felt pain like it did when we stopped being us. It’s like a part of you grew onto it and when we ended, it broke off and now I will never get it back. I could fill a river with the tears I’ve cried for us.

I know I love you enough to let you go.

As much as we have been through, and as much as I love you I know that we will never be us. I’ve seen the future with you, I’ve felt in my body and I’ve felt it being ripped away from me. So now I need to let you go, and with that I also need you to let me go.

You say you love me and if that is true I hope you love me enough to let me go as well. We always seem to find out way back to one another and some might say that’s fate but, it’s not. It’s us testing what could have been but, at some point we have to stop playing with what could have been and start realizing what is. And, the truth is, my heart will always be yours. I’m not sure anyone will ever fill it the way you did. The truth is, I still hold on but, every day I let go just a little more. You always know how to pull me back in and I let you because deep down I don’t want to fully let go. The truth is, I want you to be happy, I love seeing you happy and smiling. I just wish deep down your happiness was with me.

So, I’m saying this.

Please let me go, or bring back the piece of my heart that you broke off.

I can’t stay here waiting forever, it hurts too much to keep holding onto something that keeps breaking my heart. I know I’m in love with you but, the question is, are you in love with me?

And…will that ever be enough?

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