Why Falling In Love Is Scary For Strong Women

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Strong women are good at handling just about everything life throws at us. Sometimes it’s a juggling act and the struggle is real, but we handle it because we pride ourselves and define ourselves by our strength and independence. One of the only things that really scares us is falling in love, because it requires us to go outside of our comfort zone in so many ways.


For a strong, independent woman, there isn’t anything in this world quite as scary as being vulnerable. We rely on our own strength daily to get us through life’s challenges, so it’s scary to let our guard down for anyone without being absolutely sure he’s trustworthy and reliable.


If we have anxiety and/or trust issues, we’re well aware of it already but it’s not something we dwell on because that’s the best way to exacerbate those issues. When we’re talking to someone who could be a contender to win our hearts, those issues suddenly roar to life and we’re forced to acknowledge how scared we really are of getting close to anyone or trusting a guy again.


Even if we can’t fully open the trust vault at first, we know that the guy in question is new in our lives and hasn’t done anything to deserve being distrusted. We’re strong, but we’re not heartless, so we have to open up and give him just a little bit of trust, and that’s not an easy thing to do.


When we’re living the independent life and avoiding men like the plague they can be, we’re really sheltering ourselves from the uncertainty that romantic relationships bring. We almost always know what’s going to happen next in our lives, because we’re making all the decisions. When we’re faced with the prospect of involving someone else in our lives, it means that we won’t be completely in control anymore and that scares the hell out of us.


It seems like hope should always be a good thing, right? Well, it can actually be really scary because hoping for something good to happen also involves acknowledging the possibility of something bad happening. Many strong independent women became that way by being disappointed over and over, to the point where we stopped hoping for anything we can’t provide for ourselves.


One of the best things about being an independent woman is having complete reign over our world. Dinner is whatever we want, there’s never a battle over what to watch on TV because it’s always up to us, and we can starfish all over the bed/hog the covers all we want. We relish the opportunity to be completely selfish, and we know that finding love again will mean having to share our world and compromise again.


For those of us who’ve had our hearts pulled out of our chests and stomped on multiple times, we remember painfully how it felt and how hard it was to duct tape it back together. We really don’t want to go through that again, and the thought paralyzes us with fear.


After we’ve been through the wringer a few times, we really do develop a bit of a fear of commitment. It’s not the same kind of commitment fear that players have (fear of being tied down to just one person), it’s a general fear of having anyone in our lives in such a serious capacity. We have to take it slowly when going into a new relationship, because each stage is scarier than the one before it.

By Anna Martin for Bolde

Related article:

10 Things Strong Girls Stop Chasing Once They Realize How Strong They Are

Strong girls were not born that way, strong girls became strong from all the struggles they have endured through life. Once the dust settles after sudden and dramatic changes, everything becomes clear and they realize the things they resisted the most are the very things that needed to happen for them to grow and move forward.

Strong girls move from one goal to another and stop chasing things that don’t matter.

Chasing is exhausting.

These are 10 things strong girls stop chasing so they can use that energy on things in life that truly matter.

1. A man

When girls realize how strong they are, they build enough confidence and faith in themselves to know that when that perfect man enters their world, things will happen naturally. They won’t chase a man that is unsure about them, a strong girl will be honest and upfront with him about her intentions and if he lets her get away, it’s his loss. Not chasing after a man saves strong girls a lot of anxiety and stress by letting things fall into place naturally rather than trying to force them. They know that they deserve to have a man in their life who is going to make a real effort to show them he genuinely cares and wants to be with them. They won’t accept anything less.

2. Love

Genuine, heartfelt love cannot be chased. When girls realize how strong they are, they learn how important is to love themselves first. Strong girls are at peace with every part of themselves. Therefore, when people don’t love them, it doesn’t matter, and those people don’t really matter either. They love those that love them, strong girls won’t go around chasing love because they have enough love for themselves, they become self-sufficient. They don’t chase love, but they’re open to it.

3. People

Strong girls stop chasing people. This applies to family, friends, co-workers, and others in their life. They are willing to put in the effort to meet people in the middle, but also wise enough to realize when that effort isn’t reciprocated. Strong girls allow the right people to enter their life and stay there on their own terms—not because they chased them to, but because they want to. They realize that the people meant to be in their life will flow to them naturally with ease and certainty.

4. Approval

Chasing people’s approval is a waste of time and effort; strong girls stop chasing for approval and only care about their own approval. Strong girls have reached a point where they’ve accepted themselves with all their flaws. They stop focusing on the thoughts of others. They don’t care as much about how others perceive them. They know the truth and more importantly, they know their approval doesn’t define them.

5. Anything that they are not

Strong girls remain true to themselves, they stop chasing the new rage. They won’t allow themselves to lose track of who they really are by trying to be like everyone else. Strong girls learned the importance of being unique in a world that’s trying to make them like everyone else. When girls realize how strong they are, they become free thinkers and go for what really lights their soul on fire.

6. Money

Strong girls stop chasing after money. They focus more on their inner self because money can’t do anything to change the way you feel about yourself. Strong girls invest in themselves. They realize that’s where all the magic happens, that’s what has the biggest effect on their income. Not how much money they have in the bank but in how much they invest in themselves.

7. Happiness

Strong girls stop chasing the world’s definition of happiness and begin to recognize the decision to experience happiness has been right in front of them all along. Happiness is doing things that are challenging, meaningful, beautiful, and worthwhile. Strong girls know that happiness is the direction they choose and the way they live their lives.

8. Success

Strong girls don’t chase success, they attract success into their lives by improving their lives every day. They stop chasing rainbows, looking for that pot of gold. They work hard and let success come into their life.

9. The Perfect Body

We’ve all been there. You’re on your newsfeed when you scroll past a perfect bikini picture. Immediately, the negative thoughts start to stream in. It has happened to all of us at some point. But when girls realize how damn strong they are, they learn to love their own skin and that life isn’t about looking great in skinny jeans. Strong girls won’t chase after beauty standards; they stop trying to obtain the “perfect body”. Strong girls recognize that deep reverence for their body is the most powerful way to connect to the creativity and power we each possess. Strong girls love the bodies they call home and embrace them.

10. The Perfect Life

Modern society is obsessed with perfection and geared towards chasing it. The perfect house, car, family, and life do not exist. Strong girls stop chasing what is missing from their life and stop wishing things were different. They stop chasing society’s false perfection and live their life to the fullest and learn to appreciate everything that they do have.

When strong girls finally realize how strong they really are they become clear about who they are and why they’re here. This gives them a sense of purpose that’s larger than the humdrum of day-to-day life.

When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.

By Mitzi J Hernandez for ThoughtCatalog

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