Is your new man sending you some weird signals? Do you feel confused about the relationship after spending a day or night with him? Your new boyfriend may be secretly insecure and that can lead to all sorts of relationship problems if you aren’t prepared for what is in store.
Insecure men are broken. Something happened in their past that caused them to mistrust other people. They are annoying, impossible, and a pain in the butt, too. However, not all insecure men are throwaways. A few of them can be helped.
If you suspect that your guy is harboring insecurities, your first move should be to openly talk about it with him. Let him know that his fears are unfounded and that he can trust you to make the right decisions. If talking to him proves to be difficult, ask him if he is interested in doing couples therapy together. Let him know that you are in this relationship for the long haul and that you want to learn how to work with him and help him resolve his issues.
Of course, if your insecure boyfriend refuses all help, you may have to end the relationship altogether. Insecure men can become abusive and it is best to get out of the situation early on before things get too complicated.
15. He Makes You Feel Guilty
An insecure boyfriend will have a knack at making you feel guilty about anything you might want to do without him. For example, your sister invited you to join her at the movies for a sisters only night. You are excited about it, but when you tell your boyfriend he gets moody. He makes you feel bad that he is not invited. He might act out and make you cancel the night out or he might get you to agree to do something for him in exchange for him letting you go out with your sister. Either way, he spoils the fun you were hoping to have on your night out and makes you feel guilty about wanting to have fun without him.
14. Always Bringing Up Your Ex
You are totally over your ex, but whenever your new boyfriend is feeling insecure, he brings him up. It doesn’t make any sense. You don’t talk to your ex and the relationship is completely over. However, your new, insecure boyfriend just can’t let go of the fact that you dated someone else before he came along. He is worried that you will go back to your ex and he thinks you compare him to your ex.
13. Puts You Down When You Are Feeling Good
You wake up in the morning, the sun is shining bright, and you can’t help feeling happy. He looks over at you and immediately frowns. He can’t stand it when you are happy, especially when he is not the cause of your happiness. He feels insecure when anything, besides himself, makes you feel good. Since he is always afraid that you will leave him, he thinks that any outside influence on your life will help you wake up and realize just how pathetic he really is. To make sure you don’t stay in a good mood, he will begin putting you down. He will point out all your flaws and bring up a subject that he knows will stress you out.
12. All Your Free Time Is His Time
In a brand new relationship, the two of you want to spend every waking moment together. You sleep together, eat together, come home from work and spend evenings together. If you have different work schedules, the two of you probably planned out the week in advance, fitting each other in to every free minute you could. As the relationship progresses, you should both back off a bit and start experiencing some free time, alone time, and time with your friends. If he starts to get upset that you aren’t spending as much time with him as you did, you may be heading towards choppy waters. An insecure boyfriend will not relinquish his control over your free time. He will continue to demand that every minute be spent in his company.
11. Tells Amazing Stories About Himself
Your man always has amazing stories to tell about himself. From being the playground hero to standing up to workplace bullies, all his stories involve his wonderful self doing things that make everyone proud of him. But, when you pull back to think about the stories and compare them to the man you see every day, you wonder where this amazing man is. Does Mr. Awesome even exist? Probably not. Insecure men like to tell stories about themselves as proof that they are so amazing, but most of the stories aren’t even true. He is just trying to make himself look grander than he really is.
10. Accuses You Of Wanting To Cheat On Him
Let’s say you get a text from a co-worker about switching hours with him. That’s right. You have a male co-worker. In normal situations, no one would think twice about this, but you are dating an insecure guy. When he sees the message, he will automatically assume that you are looking to cheat on him. He will get angry at you and even demand that you remove the co-worker from your phone. He may even confront your co-worker about contacting you. No matter what you say to try to convince him that nothing is going on, he will hold any communication you have with another guy against you.
9. Doesn’t Have His Own Hobbies
One of the weirdest things about insecure men is that they never seem to have their own hobbies, even though it would do them a world of good. Instead of having his own interests, he will latch onto yours. Whether you like knitting or collecting things, he will worm his way into your personal time activities by giving you “ideas” of what to knit for him or by sending you images of super expensive collectibles you cannot afford on your salary. It would be great if he were actually helpful with your hobbies, but he remains on the fringes, acting as the director and supervisor of your activities.
8. Fishes For Compliments
He washed his plate and fork off for the first time ever since you’ve been together. He looks at you, smiling, and waits for you to compliment him on a job well done. You know that if you say nothing, he will get angry with you and start to sulk. If you do give him praise, maybe he will start to do his own dishes more often (wishful thinking – he won’t). Insecure men want to be complimented for everything that they do. They don’t compliment you for doing those same things, but they want to feel special, above you, and they want your constant praise.
7. Cannot Handle Constructive Criticism
We all have to go through life facing criticism. We hear it from our parents, from school, and from work. Even our best friends will toss out a piece of constructive criticism from time to time. This is just the way is goes, except for him. He can’t handle any form of criticism. He can’t take it from his parents, his supervisor, or, least of all, you. You cannot criticism a person who has low self esteem and insecurities. They view it as a personal attack and they will lash out at you.
6. Tries To Prevent You From Reaching Goals
An insecure man does not want you to reach any of the goals you set for yourself because he is worried you will leave him. For example, if you set a goal to lose a certain amount of weight, he will do everything he can to sabotage your diet. Want to quit smoking cigarettes? He will buy you packs of smokes or continue to smoke in front of you so that you fail. Insecure men hate any kind of change. If you are trying to make a positive change or set a positive goal, your best bet is to not tell him about it. That way he can’t sabotage what you are trying to accomplish.
5. Is Jealous Of Your Friends And Family
Your guy will get angry and jealous if you try to spend a day out with your friends. If you want to go spend an afternoon with your mom, he will try and weasel his way into your plans so that you cannot be alone with your mom. He fears that you might say something bad about him or that your friends might try and convince you to leave him. He knows there are better people out their for you, but he doesn’t want you to know that.
4. He Gets In The Middle Of Everything You Do
You can no longer do anything by yourself. If you are outside, working on your garden, he will sit outside and supervise everything you do. When you get dressed in the mornings, he will criticism your choice of clothing and insist you wear something that he picks out. You can’t even take the dog out for a walk alone because he is so worried that you will meet someone else, so he either has to go along with you or he insists you stay home and just let the dog run around in the backyard.
3. Checks Your Phone Messages
You have to guard your phone when you are dating someone who is insecure because he will read through all of your text messages and keep tabs of who you have called. It doesn’t matter if the conversation is work related or friend related, he will turn everything into a conspiracy. The only way you can tame down his suspicion is by becoming a hermit and not having any outside friends. Otherwise, you might have to password protect your phone to keep him from getting upset, even though he will be angry at you for locking him out of your phone.
2. Always Threatening To Walk Out
His method of keeping you under control is to let you know that he can walk away from the relationship at any time. He pretends that he doesn’t really need you and his answer to every argument is to suggest a breakup. Truth is, he is scared to death about losing you and will never willingly exit the relationship. This puts the ball in your court. If he is threatening to leave you, let him. You don’t need this kind of nonsense in your life.
- Keeps Tabs On Your Online Activities
An insecure boyfriend will keep tabs on all of your online activities. He will watch your FaceBook account, your Twitter and Instagram feeds, and he will check through the online history on your computer. If you try and block him from seeing your accounts, he will set up another account to continue watching you or he will ask his friends to spy on you. Everything you say and do online will be questioned. He will demand that you unfriend certain people and he will get angry if anyone likes or shares your posts.