You no longer can hurt me. I started to believe in me again and on that, I succeeded just by walking away from the illusion of seeing you one more time.
Even when I might have kept a bunch of questions for you to answer, the walls you built made me begin to look for the answers on my own. Getting away from you, even though you’d already left my life, was the best decision I ever made – the bravest one and the most painful one.
I loved you – every side of you. Every imperfection you had was one more reason for me to love you. I loved your singularities, like your needs of wanting to be someone you would never be. I wanted to make you happy and take all the sadness away from you. I wanted to keep you safe, so safe that the only one that ended broken was me. The worst part is that I thought you loved me too. Everyone thought the same thing. I guess no one knew you enough to know that you were playing your own game and as much as I hate losing, you won – or at least you thought you did. But tell me, who will love you like I did?
Now, I can say thank you for leaving me behind, for making me cry every night, for all the words you used to break me, for each time you stood me up. Thanks for not being the guy I wanted.
I blamed you, I hated you and I didn’t recognize you anymore. You were not the person who I had fallen in love with. After constantly thinking that I was the one who hurt you, I realized it was you the one who damaged everything we built. We had a secret pact, an oath that I fulfilled until the end, but you broke it. You became filled with dilemmas and you did not know how to stay in my life. I cried inconsolably. I learned to fake my happiness for as long as I had to.
All of this made me stronger, braver and it showed me what I’m worth and that a word can’t describe me. By being alone, I learned who I was. And now, thanks to you, I have grown into who I am. Thanks for not loving me; it was the best decision you have ever made.
I can say I’ve overcome the pain, but maybe not the love. Maybe I will always remember you. I decided to not love you and say goodbye forever, because it is not fair to either of us; you do not deserve my pain and my hopes, and I do not want to suffer over you anymore.
You made me push so many people out of my life. It was not fair for anyone. Now, I realize that thanks to this farewell, I am now a blank page – ready for writing new chapters. And that is the way it should be.
Everyone deserves to be able to love someone who loves them back. So, yes I’m thankful because you showed me everything I don’t want in a man and what real love is.