I’ve Been Drinking And Thinking Of You

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The taste on my lips has been a bit different ever since I felt yours there. It’s more sweet than bitter. More honey than acid. More alluring than the usual taste of cigarettes and cheap beer I’m used to on late nights.

Your taste has been lingering here for days, taking over, your scent in other more hidden parts, and they’re both intoxicating. I’ve been carrying you around with me for some time now. Tucking you into bed with me even if you’re not physically here. Falling asleep to dreams of your fingertips gently grazing my thigh, telling me how smooth my skin is, making tiny goosebumps form all over my body at your slightest touch. Goosebumps that I can conjure up by the mere thought of you.

You’ve been causing wildfires in the deeper more intimate parts of my body, and you have a knack of making it seem like you and me are the only two people in the world and I have a feeling there’s a danger we’re about to find ourselves in the middle of but I find myself being perfectly okay with that.

We’ve shared a lot of secrets with each other, but even more with the moon. She’s become familiar with our pattern and knows exactly where to find us. She knows just how quickly I come undone when your fingers graze my skin and how three little words escaping my lips can turn your world upside down. It’s not love but it’s something more primal. More wanting and warm to the touch. Something that begs you to give me all of you in that moment. And every time I lay under the moon without you by my side I’m reminded of that night in the backseat of your car when you climbed on top of me and seeped into my skin and I can’t seem to think of any place I’d rather be than under the weight of your body.

And I don’t know if there’s some label we can tie around ourselves that will help everything fall into place and shed some light on what the hell it actually is we’re doing right now. But I know that the sound of your moans haven’t escaped my mind since that night and they sound like god damn poetry to me. My heart seems to beat at a different pace every time I see your face and I’m thinking that it’s not entirely vital for us to try and put a name to this feeling but rather let it run its course and ride it out for as long as we can.

And, If I’m being honest, ever since that night I think about being next to you every time I’m not. I think about that night where we drove to the beach at 10pm and sat in your car looking at the stars through your sunroof. We argued over which one was the north star and had named every constellation before getting kicked out by the cops. Truth is I could have stayed under those stars with you for the rest of my life, catching you sneak glances at me out of the corner of my eye.

And I think about all the times we stayed up until 3am getting lost in each other’s words and forgetting that there was an entire world around us filled with living, breathing souls. I think about how much I want to tell you. How badly I want you to get lost in the riptide of my consciousness. I think about you knowing your way around my body even better than I do. Dream about you opening your world to me and etching my name in your bones so that I know I’ll always have a place to call home, even if you don’t always welcome my monsters with open arms.

And I have a feeling there’s something in you that I would love to get lost in. Something about you makes me want to lay my head on your chest and listen to the beating of your heart for the rest of my life. I want to learn everything there is to learn about you. More than just that your favorite color is gray and you happen to be allergic to my favorite type of beer. I want to know things no one else knows. I want to frequent that dark place deep inside your bones that you’ve never taken anyone else to before. I want to know you more than I know myself. I want to get lost in the galaxies deep within your mind and be able to recite the names of each and every star by the time I’m done exploring.

Because on nights like tonight I’m transported back to your passenger seat. I once again feel your fingers between my thighs, your teeth on my neck, and then you, all of you, burrowing inside me, colliding with all the parts of me that make me human.

I’m thinking about your teeth biting down on my bottom lip and how your fingers made their way underneath my shirt, and though they worked their way across my skin in the most delicate way they also did so in a way that told me nothing I said or did would stop you, and in that moment I understood what it felt like to completely trust someone with everything inside of me. I’m thinking about how they moved from my chest to the waist of my jeans and then to that part of me you tell me you can’t get enough of. That part of me that you get lost in.

I’m thinking about your mouth and how high it got me. How I threw my head back as it turned me into nothing but moans and fingernail marks in your back.

I’m thinking about your eyes and how I could stare at them for the rest of my life, not daring to look away and wanting nothing more than to get lost in them for a few hours. A few days even. Months. Years.

I’ve been drinking and I’ve got that song on repeat again and I guess when it really comes down to it, I’ve been thinking of you.

I’ve felt your lips when I’ve touched myself in the dark. I’ve seen your eyes burrowing tunnels straight through my skin until you’ve reached my bones and decided you wanted to carve out a place for your heart to stay a while. And all I know is that anything you want I will give to you. Anything you need from me is up for grabs. And I’m falling for you, and I’m falling hard, and I don’t want to think about the landing.

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering where this could leave us. I want to get lost in you and never be found. I want to live the rest of my life in that spot between your neck and behind your ear that I find my mouth buried deep in so often when I’ve been reduced to nothing but trembles and heavy breathing.

Right now I’m drinking, and right now I’m thinking of you, and right now I want nothing more than to feel the warmth of your skin against mine under my sheets when the moon is peeking through my window and the stars are begging us to come out and play.

By Brianna Perry for ThoughtCatalog

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