Anxiety Makes Me Feel Guilty For Being Myself

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Anxiety makes me feel like I have to apologize for everything.

Apologize for thinking too much.Apologize for talking too much.Apologize for trying entirely too hard. Apologize for caring too much. Apologize for showing it. Apologize for the fact that I apologized.

Anxiety makes me feel guilty for being myself because I constantly wonder if people are going to take something I’ve said or done the wrong way. Then I beat myself up over the, “What if” scenario.

Anxiety makes me try to control something that’s been controlling me for as long as I can remember.

It’s every person I doubt when I shouldn’t. It’s every worse case scenario that never comes to life. It’s ruining things before they begin.
Anxiety makes me want to hide who I am because I truly hate it sometimes. I hate always worrying about things.

But when you first meet me, you won’t notice this is what I’m like. I’ll hide it behind nail biting and tapping and excuse myself in public. I’ll hide it behind listening instead of speaking. I’ll hide the fact I’m exhausted because I didn’t sleep last night thinking about something that may never happen.

As you get to know me, you’ll begin to see how much anxiety plays a major role in my life. And when you realize the truth, you’ll realize what I’ve had to live with most of my life.

I’ll apologize for being this type of person. I’ll apologize if it’s something you can’t second-hand deal with because there are times I can’t deal with it myself.

But at the same time, I can’t change it. At the same time, I know I’m always going to live with this thing that dictates a lot of my life. So I’ll always say sorry.

Written by Kirsten Corley

Visit her Facebook page: Kirsten Corley

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