I never thought I would go this far, trying to make you stay. Looking back on it now, I didn’t even really know what I was doing. What I thought that going to happen.
But what I do know is that I lost pieces of myself within you. Not just small, tiny bits. I got so wrapped up in you, thinking that I was getting wrapped up in us.
But I was wrong.
So wrong that it hurts to admit it now, when everything is said and done. I think that I was trying to follow my heart because I really did think that deep down, you and I were going to make it. Or at the very least, make it further than we did.
Because being with you was so easy when it was, and impossible when it wasn’t. It was always stopping and starting, trying to make something out of nothing.
Trying to make you into a different kind of person. Trying to make myself be the kind of girl you wanted.
It took me a little while, but I finally saw you for you. I saw you for your flaws, for the things that you would never admit to, the things that hurt me and everyone around you.
I don’t want to say that you’re bad through and through, but I do want to say that you were just as beautiful as you were evil. I thought that I was getting to know the real you, but now I’m not sure that was even worth it.
You weren’t exactly a waste of time, but you were a mistake. Plain and simple. Even though I keep searching for the good in all of this, maybe it’s just because I was so used to making excuses for you time and time again.
And that tears people down. You were so heavy on my heart, I got used to feeling like everything was just waiting to come crashing down. And no one deserves that.
Loving you wasn’t easy and it wasn’t painless. It was draining. It was a lot of hope and then no follow through.
So, when I tell you that I don’t want you to be on my mind, I mean it. When I tell you not to call anymore, I mean it. But mostly, when I tell you that when I look at you, I see nothing I want, I mean it.
We could have been something. But now I know that you and I ended for a reason. And I know now that I’ll never come back to you.