After breaking up with the one you’ve been in a serious relationship with, it is highly likely that they may come back at least once or twice. When they do, it’s either because you both broke up on bad terms and they want to apologize, they realized what they lost and now they miss you, or simply because they have emotionally manipulated you for all these years and now want to do it again.
When you two do cross paths, your mind starts playing games with you. You have tons of question piled up in your head, the most common and important one being: ‘Do they deserve another chance?’ The answer depends on how you’ve been ever since the break up. Have you moved on? Are you still reminiscing the days spent with them? Etc. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
1. Never forget why you broke up with them:
Breaking up is the hardest thing to do but once you do it, it is the happiest you’ve been. So when an ex enters in your life, it’s not just them or the good times that you two have spent together but also the pain and terrible feelings of disappointment and frustration that you’ve felt all the while.
You just didn’t decide to break up with them one night, it’s the anger and betrayal and feeling of displeasure filled up in you for years that compelled you to take this decision. Before letting them back into your life, be true to yourself and never forget why you left them in the first place.
2. You can’t let them in because you miss the intimacy:
For most people being intimate with their partner means a great deal. One major reason why breaking up is tough is the intimacy between a couple. It really does keep two people in love but it’s not the only reason in the end to stay in an abusive relationship.
When an ex is trying to get back, don’t give in just because you’ve had history with them or you’re lonely and miss having a physical relationship with someone close. Be practical and think if or why they deserve a second chance. Intimacy should never be prioritized over mental peace and an emotionally healthy bond.
3. They were never capable of committing to you anyway:
When you get into a relationship with someone, you eventually start to imagine a ‘forever’ with them… a possible future. But as time passes by you realize how they are just unable to commit, which leads to you two breaking up. Because let’s face it, you can never spend your life with someone who is always leaving you hanging in the middle.
You need closure and actions that tell you the other person is okay with committing to you. You cannot handle the games because they are toxic to the relationship and your stable state of mind. So when an ex tries to barge in your life, remind yourself how this exact person couldn’t commit all these years and they certainly would be no different now. Put yourself and your happiness above anyone and anything.
4. They broke your trust:
A relationship is only successful when two people trust each other inside out. The second they break your trust, it’s all downhill from there. Yes, you do trust them again because you love them and don’t want to let go of someone so precious but let’s be honest, it’s NEVER the same after that. You become doubtful of every move they make, you keep questioning your own sanity and that eventually drives you to put an end to it.
Never allow a person back into your life if you cannot trust them wholeheartedly, it only messes up with your mental and emotional state and you’re not being true to both yourself and to them. Always love yourself first, only then will other people love you better.
5. Don’t be fooled if they say they’ll change:
You can change a person’s habits but you can never change their nature. When they intentionally or unintentionally show you their true colors, do not blind yourself and refuse to accept the truth, instead believe that they are like that as a person. By spending so much of time with someone, you eventually start getting to know them inside out.
From their likes and dislikes to their outlook on life and how they treat you, you are familiar with everything! Do not be delusional of the fact that you’ll change them with your love or by giving your all. They are loud and clear with their actions that they don’t want to change and you cannot help them. Remember, it’s always the small things that tell us the reality of someone.