Sometimes God Sends an Ex Back Into Your Life to See If You Are Still Stupid

It’s been a few months since you left him. It was not easy to do it, but after all, you realize what an asshole your ex is.
On the top of that, you might already be dating someone who seems to be better. Until one beautiful day you and your ex cross paths again. And it all starts coming back to you.

Sometimes God Sends an Ex Back Into Your Life to See If You Are Still Stupid

The story of Marry who dumped her boyfriend

That is pretty much the case of my friend Marry who broke up with an emotionally manipulative man after four years. She even caught him cheating on her. That made her finally cut the cord. She was through a lot of pain because of this, but it seemed the only right decision. And as time was passing by the memory of Mr. Ex started to fade away slowly…

Until one day just before work, she stumbled upon him in front of the building she was working in. This meeting wouldn’t have been that surprising if Marry hadn’t moved to another town in the area after they broke up. And Mr. Ex didn’t know about it. After the initial shock, he explained that he was on a business trip and also didn’t miss the chance to confess that he couldn’t get over her.

“He said he’s been through a lot since we’ve parted ways and that he is a different person now. He gave me his card and asked me to call and meet him some time to discuss the things between us…” told me Marry on the phone later that day.

Fate seemed to be throwing a curve ball at her with this. It was evident that life was testing Marry in a way. Meeting your ex by chance in another town doesn’t happen every day. Marry was confused and needed advice. Was it worth to give this man another chance? Has he changed for real? Could it be different this time?

And she is not the only one searching for these answers. Often after a break-up, we feel remorse and doubts about not giving that person another chance. But as the famous saying states: When your past calls, don’t answer. It has nothing new to say.

Here are seven reasons that could explain why it isn’t that of a good idea to get back together with someone who’s disappointed you or isn’t for you:

1. You let this person go for a reason
First and foremost you should not forget that you had an important reason to break up with this person. It was not a decision you took overnight or just because he made you angry. There were things you could n’t fix or accept regarding your relationship. So is there any reason to get together with this person only to reach to the same outcome a few months later?

2. They won’t change
You’ve tried to talk to them about the problems in this relationship. Opened up and shared everything that made you nervous. You admitted to them that they have annoying habits which make you feel uncomfortable. Asked them to change. And you were ready to do the same of course. But they never seemed to listen or to give it a try. So, do you believe that your Ex would be able to change this time? Or they would just be pretending until sooner or later they get tired of this game and take the mask off?

3. They’ve betrayed your trust
All successful relationships are based on trust. You trust your spouse or partner in the little things, i.e., “She promised she’d wash the dishes today.” And you trust them in the bigger things like, “ … together till death do us part.” While trust may be more obviously violated in the big things, the little ones can add up as well. So this is the case with you two. Your partner would break their promises even for small things. They would lie. Or would go as far as cheating on you. And unfortunately getting back together is not going to make them treat you better.

4. Intimacy is not a good reason to stay
Don’t underestimate the importance of sex in a relationship. But don’t overestimate it either. If intimacy did not bring you joy and nothing changed for the time you were a couple, it’s not likely that it will if you get together again. And even if your sex life was good is it worth to get together with someone who’s betrayed you in other ways?

5. You May Just Be Lonely
Sometimes as we watch our friends finding partners, getting married or having children, we might feel lonely. And if there isn’t another potential partner in our life, we could turn back to the ex in a desperate attempt to prove to ourselves and to the world that we are capable of having a relationship. However, sooner or later we might end up disappointed again. And we would have wasted precious time which we could have used to find a better match.

6. They did not want to commit
You’ve been together for a long time, and you expected something more than spending your weekends and holidays together. And for one reason or another, your partner couldn’t seem to make a clear decision if you are the one they want to spend the rest of their life with. Well, even if they say they’ve now changed their mind, does it seem reasonable to discuss commitment with a person you weren’t afraid to lose?

7. True love is somewhere out there

While you are making efforts to fix your broken relationship you are wasting time. You’d really better start searching for a suitable partner. People who know how to love and what is real love, exist. And they are out there waiting for the right partner to come in their way. So, is it worth wasting your life on a relationship that has already proved to be a dead end street?

Here’s how the story of Marry ends

My friend Marry thought about all these questions and after a serious discussion, she decided that her ex was not worth the efforts and time. She took the risk of staying single instead of experiencing another disappointment with the same man. It was not easy for her because deep down inside her soul she still loved him. But she did the right thing it turned out. Shortly after that, she met another guy. Now she is a happy wife and a mother of two. A few years later we heard that his fiancée dumped Mr. Ex after she had caught him red-handed cheating on her. Well, it’s true what they say: A leopard can’t change its spots.

So if God sends an ex back in your life, pay attention as it might be a test.

And don’t forget that you might have to do the same test over and over again until you pass it. And prove you aren’t a fool for someone’s love anymore.

BY MARIA HAKKI for IHeartIntelligence