I’m a chaser. I chase people. Some people call it endearing, because I always see the best in people, I always want them to be their better selves, but I’ve come to know this quality in myself as destructive and vaguely psychotic. I mean, I’ve never broken into someone’s apartment to watch them sleep while reading them affirmations in the hopes that they’ll absorb the message subliminally, but I have been known to go slightly Monica-Geller-trying-to-get-Chandler-to-exercise i.e. “I’m the Engery Train and you’re on board, woo-woo! Woo-woo!”
One very valuable lesson I have learned as I roll into the ass end of my 20s is that while everyone is capable of being a better, kinder, harder working, more honest, generous person, not everyone wants to be. That’s right. Not everyone is inclined to be their better self. In fact, most people are pretty content with being their medium, average, run-of-the-mill self. Crazy, I know. Even more crazy–it’s perfectly OK for them to accept mediocrity as their life’s path.
It’s a difficult to accept fact that, sometimes, people are just shit. And when you apply that to romantic situations, it can be an even harder fact to accept. Every guy that never called you back is entitled to not call you back. It’s not about whether it makes him a shitty person for not calling (it does) or makes you crazy person for wanting him to call (you’re not), but about the basic fact that some people can, and will, deal with interpersonal relationships poorly.
In the past, I’ve had many relationships with men/boys whom I believed to be reaching only a mere shadow of their potential. I mean, the kind of boys that were smart, handsome, funny, and lacked only in those key traits we so often trivialize when the former are offered; humility, kindness, generosity. I’d spend nights lying awake, thinking, if I just stay up 15 minutes longer, he’ll call like he said he would. Or if I just don’t bother him for a few days, he’ll take it upon himself to make a plan to hang out with me. And maybe if I forgive him for cancelling on me at the exact time we had planned to meet tonight, next time he’ll remember how understanding I was and he’ll try harder.
No. He won’t. And that’s OK.
Here is how you walk away from him: you get up, flick your hair, sashay away and never look back. There’s not an excuse for a guy being unreliable. There is a reason, and I would venture to guess that the majority of the time that reason is simply a combination of laziness or selfishness. It is not your job to rationalize this, or justify it. It just is. Your job is to show him your beautiful, sassy ass as you walk out the door, because that’s the last, and the best, he’s ever going to see of you. Don’t wait around to be disappointed a second or a third time. It’s exactly like that Coyote Ugly song says: “Shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice.”
No one is ever going to change for you. No one. Ever. It’s time to stare that in the face, and accept it. There’s only one person who has any obligation to change for you, and that’s you. So start asking for more for yourself, but instead of asking of some dumb guy who’s too busy scratching his ass to turn up when he says he will, ask it of yourself.