This Is When I Stopped Giving A Shit About You

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It didn’t happen overnight.

I didn’t wake up one day and realize that I was ready to put you behind me. I didn’t go to sleep one night and realize that you were bad for me and I needed to close the door to you for good. Actually, it happened over a number of days. It happened, slowly, but then all at once, after I finally realized that all of those little things adding up were enough reason to just stop caring.

I stopped giving a shit about you when you stopped putting me first. Yeah, I fought it for awhile. I put in the extra effort to compensate for the things that you weren’t doing. I tried as hard as I could when I wasn’t getting anything back in return. There is only so much of that someone can take before they slowly start to let go.

I stopped giving a shit about you when you constantly pointed out my flaws. You made me think every problem we had was my fault. You constantly put me down and made me feel that there were countless things I needed to fix. I never would have done that to you. Even the things that I disliked, I found ways to love them because I cared for you.

I stopped giving a shit about you when you cancelled plans. The things were did were always on your terms. You had no problem blowing me off or deciding that you weren’t “up for seeing me.” But imagine if I had done that to you? I would never have heard the end of it if I ever did the things that you did.

I stopped giving a shit about you when you constantly changed your mind about what you wanted. In my mind, I wanted you. I wanted to make it work regardless of what that would take. You didn’t feel the same. You couldn’t decide what you wanted. You didn’t know what you were ready for. It got to a point where I just couldn’t put myself through that rollercoaster anymore.

I stopped giving a shit about you when I realized that you would never deserve someone like me.

I could have given you the world. Actually, I would have. I was willing to do whatever to make things between the two of us work. I would have fought and worked for it every day. I would have done that because I wanted you. I saw the best in you and to me that was all that mattered.

But you never could have given me the same.

You could have never loved me in the way that I deserved. It never would have been healthy. I never would have been given what I need. You weren’t ready for the love that I was ready to give you. You weren’t ready for someone as strong as me. You weren’t ready for someone who had their shit together and knew what they wanted. You weren’t ready for what I was trying to give you. 

But that is okay.

By Christie Lynn for ThoughtCatalog

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