In a world that is completely centered on social events and being around other people, it is often very difficult to be a person who has anxiety. It gets in the way and makes it difficult for me to function and be around others. It has this way of completely sucking the life out of me and leaves others not understanding why. It comes when I least expect it, and makes it really hard to live a “normal” life. It is very hard for loved ones to comprehend and even more confusing to try and explain to the people around me. If someone hasn’t been through it, they can’t usually understand.
1. It’s the feeling that someone is always mad at me.
Even if I can’t come up with a single reason why, I’m sure I must have done something wrong.
2. It’s that feeling when my boss isn’t acting as friendly as usual and I’m left wondering what I did wrong.
I find myself going through every work situation in the past few weeks wondering what it could be.
3. It’s the feeling when someone sends “K” or a short response in a text message.
My mind races wondering what this person could be angry about.
4. It’s the knot in my stomach when someone starts typing for an extended period of time.
And I’m so nervous about what they are going to say.
5. It’s overanalyzing every situation in my head.
No matter what, I beat it to death over and over again with my thoughts.
6. It’s the way I make myself believe things are going wrong.
Even when everything in my life is totally fine.
7. It’s the leg shaking and swaying my body back and forth in social and professional situations.
I can’t sit still no matter how hard I try.
8. It’s my need to always be busy.
Making plans and searching for new hobbies, anything to keep my mind at ease. I plan out my whole weekend way before the weekend even comes.
9. It’s the compulsive things I do.
Like color coding and detailing every section of my planner to make sure all of the details of my life are figured out. God forbid I miss an appointment or event.
10. It’s feeling weak, nauseous and sick to my stomach.
The kind of illness I’m not able to call out of work for.
11. It’s the panic I feel when I am running even just a couple of minutes late.
I find myself recklessly driving down the highway just to make sure I get to my destination on time.
12. It’s the feeling that I am constantly disappointing someone.
Even when I know deep down I am doing everything right.
13. It’s the “trapped in my body” feeling I can’t get out no matter how hard I try.
The feeling that starts in my stomach and goes all the way up to my throat.
14. It’s the feeling of being absolutely exhausted.
But my mind just won’t let me rest.
15. It’s the feeling of insecurity.
That someone is always lying to me. There is no way they could be honest and mean the things they are saying. It leaves me with huge trust issues.
16. It’s the need to be alone out of nowhere.
It’s hard to explain to anyone why I’m just not up for going out tonight.
This piece was written by Christie Lynn, a Thought Catalog contributor.