Why did I let him go while I still love him to the bones? It is because sometimes love is not enough. Sure, breaking up is one of the hardest things we will ever have to do in our lives, but sometimes it is necessary to go through it. To experience those bad feelings so we can appreciate our luck and love when it happens to us again.
I let him go because we weren’t meant to be. We just happened one Saturday night. We just ended on a regular Monday morning. No doubt I was making the right decision because between smiles, hugs, and kisses I knew he was not the one.
I let him go because we started to have our fights from one day to another. Tears. Screams. Fights. Drama. Never peace. Never good, old silence. We sat down one day so I asked him: “How much fighting is too much?” He answered: “This much. Our fights are just too much, but I think we can work this out.”
“I’m not so sure…” I replied.
“Okay, so… then what?”
“Then it’s time to say goodbye.”
And that was it. That was the moment in which I lost him. In which I lost my previous life. In which I knew I must find the strength to start again, but instead of that, I broke down in pieces. Every part of me was broken. Not just my heart. My eyes were broken. My empty hands were broken. My unstable legs were broken. My mind was broken into thousands of pieces, and it seemed like my lungs weren’t able to take a breath.
I deeply loved him. I still do.
But we are living proof that love is not enough.
There is the difference between a healthy and unhealthy argument. Ours was the second. We waited for too long so there was no chance for us to solve it. We weren’t able to learn how to argue in a healthier way, so we destroyed our love. A therapist is a smart solution, but he was too proud to give it a chance. I was too smart too. But at the end, we were just two idiots who ruined their relationship in a matter of a month or two.
Now, all I have left are memories. They come and go. They come to remind me and go to let me get myself together. I know I will never ever forget you and that’s perfectly fine. I don’t want to. We shared some beautiful moments together, and it would be a shame to let it all go to waste.
I want to carry pieces of you with me. Straight to my future days. I want your little pieces as a reminder of our previous love and passion to be able to experience the touch of the wind of some unfamiliar beaches. I want your little pieces to hear the sound of the concerts which I will attend, to see cities which I will visit, to walk through the streets and meet dozens of nice people which I will meet. I want you. Excuse me, I want those pieces of you, those pieces of our past to lay down every single night with me and help me to fall asleep.
And one day, when I finally find some new you, or to say, some next you, I want those pieces to stay right there. Next to my right shoulder to help me get through this life. To be there and help me when times get hard. To remind me that there was something before, and it will be something after. After my time comes. To remind me. To hold me. To love me. Those pieces of you. Those pieces of previous you.