For a very long time, the structure of the family was considered the most important unit of society. But in the modern times, the structure of the family is gradually collapsing. We may not have as many articles talking about this because the business of family is still kept under the wraps. How much ever we may deny it, but the family as a unit is crumbling down.
This only goes to prove one thing that a certain kind of toxicity has entered this system. This toxicity may result in pain and suffering for the family members. Most importantly, the victim of this toxicity may lead a life full of stress, anxiety, and insecurity. Toxicity sure can make someone’s entire life absolutely toxic.
But we rarely address this issue. This is because of the sacrosanct status that is given to the family as a structure. The mainstream media wants to portray the family as an indivisible unit of society. Because of such a portrayal, we forget to question the idea of family. When we forget to question a structure, you know what follows. In some time, we ourselves become victims of the structure.
To avoid this, the first thing that we have to realize is that family isn’t as sacred as it is said to be. Secondly, family as a structure has its own set of problems and these problems can cause indelible chaos in the lives of the members of the family.
The most shocking part of all this process is that sometimes we don’t even realize that we are victims of the structure of the family. We continue to live our lives thinking that all things that happen within a family are acceptable, without even realizing that maybe sometimes the source of our insecurities and our bad experiences is family itself.
But our desire to get love makes us forget the damage that we are causing to ourselves. Ask the victims of family toxicity. They will surely tell you so much that they face because of their so-called benign family.
Here are just four of the serious struggles that people who find themselves in a toxic family face:
1. Communication is Difficult
If you have been a part of the toxic family, you will surely find it very hard to communicate with other people. Why does this happen?
This is because the way we communicate depends totally on what we learn at home. As human beings learn by example, if you see at home that there is a severe communication breakdown, you will never be able to forge communications outside of the home. Thus, all your interactions will be affected by what you go through at home. Hence, people coming from a family where the toxicity is high, will fail to communicate their usual thoughts, let alone feelings. This will surely cause chaos in their personal life as well.
2. Unnecessary Anxiety
Children are very impressionable and when they are in toxic families where anxiety is a part of everyday life, they pick that up. This means that they constantly feel anxious and cannot stop themselves from worrying about things that don’t need worrying. This is because as children, they were constantly worried about the family atmosphere and minor everyday things. Thus, that feeling stays with them forever and anxiety becomes a regular visitor.
3. Gaslighting and Abuse Raise Reality Questions
As a member of a toxic family, your memories will surely differ from the memories of your parents. This means that a sad event will also be portrayed by your parents in a very happy and jovial manner. It will make you think that there is something wrong with your memory. As a result, you will even start questioning yourself and your identity. But beware of this.
What is happening with you is mere gaslighting. Now, in the version of your parents’, life has always been good and perfect. Don’t let this be your version. Stick to how you felt because you were there to feel it. If you fail to stick to what you felt, you will fall into the trap of feeling that your very reality is in scrutiny. You will begin to question what is real and what is not. The repercussions of the same will be seen in your everyday life and even in the way you understand the world.
4. Relationships Suffer
We don’t even realize this but once a person goes through a negative family setup, they are marred forever. The family is usually the place where we put our trust and faith in for the first time. When we are not able to get that trust and faith back, the result is that we are afraid to put that trust into anyone else.
Also, when we feel that we have been cheated by our family, we start feeling that everyone around us is bound to cheat us. It becomes so very hard to instill that trust into someone again. Thus, all future relationships suffer. This is not only true for romantic relationships but it is also true for friendships.
Thus, the toxic family will leave an indelible imprint on the person’s mind. What can you do to reduce the pain?
• Talk to people or a therapist or anyone. Just talk it out.
• Focus more on yourself and your goals.
• Count your blessings. If you don’t have the love, shelter, and comfort of a family, you will surely have something else.
• Put yourself out in the world. More. This will help you deal with your problems much better.
• Trust more.
• Gather all the love that you get and celebrate it. You will get love, don’t worry.
• Have faith
• Don’t become all negative. Stay calm and positive. Look at the brighter side of things.
• Also, try to omit the bad memories and not by immersing yourself in alcohol. The only way to omit bad memories is to create new memories; happy ones.
• Love and laugh like there is no tomorrow.
Maybe, the universe has been unkind to you but do the exact opposite. Be kind, love and enjoy whatever moments of happiness you have.
Kill the toxicity.