How in the world have you managed to lose a girl who actually wanted to be yours?
How could you push away someone who’d do anything to be with you? She needed just one reason to stay. She needed just a small proof that there is a happy future for her and that you will make a spot for her in your life, but that was, obviously, too much to ask.
All she ever wanted was you.
She didn’t care about your flaws or your past. She didn’t care about what others told her. She wanted you to be good so she believed you have good sides just waiting to come to the surface. She didn’t care for anything in this world other than you.
She wanted to love you. She wanted to be next to you. She wanted to see your message when she wakes up and she wanted to go to sleep with you on her mind. She wanted you to be happy. She wanted to have a future with you, to hold your hand in front of everyone and proudly say “This is the guy I love and the guy who loves me.” She didn’t want much. She just wanted to freely love you and to be loved by you.
All you had to do is treat her right.
There was no need to give her stars, even though she deserved them. There was no need for expensive gifts or anything that was too much to ask. You just needed to treat her good. You only needed to show her she matters to you, to show her you care for her, to tell her how much she means to you and how you want same things as she does for the two of you.
All you needed was a small effort to make her stay in your life.
But that was too much to ask, wasn’t it?
Even ‘basic’ things, even the smallest effort, even the things she deserved to get were too much for you to give to her? You weren’t ready to do anything for her, regardless what she did for you. You just weren’t on the same boat as she was. You didn’t care as much as she did. But you should have.
You refused to choose her.
When she saw no one else she could be with, you chose to keep your options open and hold her at arm’s length—too scared to lose her but too afraid to commit as well. You were in her life occasionally and she had you in her life only sometimes.
You were unwilling to let go of all the other opportunities. You wanted to have your options open. You thought that perhaps you deserve much more than she had to offer and you were too selfish and too ravenous. On the other hand, she was so selfless when it came to giving her love to you.
You didn’t make her your priority nor did you value her efforts.
All she did, she did it for the two of you. She tried and tried. She kept finding hope in places nobody thought of looking. She stuck by your side even when any other normal person would’ve walked away a long time ago.
But you never saw any of it. Or at least you didn’t bother seeing it. You never acknowledged any of her efforts nor did you bother thanking her for fighting so hard for you. Instead, you took it all for granted. You thought she’ll stay by your side even if you don’t give her anything. That she’ll fight for you just because. Well, you thought wrong.
She got tired of fighting for someone who didn’t care if he lost her or not.
Admit it, you were indifferent. Or at least you thought you were. You told yourself how you have no feelings for that girl and how there are better ones than her. She was there to boost your ego and to be your back-up plan. You thought that’s all she’ll ever be to anyone. But you thought wrong once again.
You lost her when you made her beg for your time. You lost her when you showed her you couldn’t care less for her feelings. You lost her when you refused to put an effort to fight for her. It took her awhile to realize she was fighting for someone who was okay with losing her.
She actually planned to stay, but you pushed her away.
You pushed her away with your shitty behavior, with not appreciating her, with taking her for granted, with making her feel alone even when she was with you.
Congratulations, you lost a once in a lifetime girl.
You lost a girl who wanted to be yours. You lost a good girl—one who just needed your love and appreciation and nothing more. You lost a girl who could’ve made you happy if you just let her. You lost a girl any other man would die to have. You lost a girl you’ll be looking for in every other girl that comes along from now on.
None of the other girls will be good to you like she was. None of the other girls will love you like she did. They won’t treat you with respect, won’t look at you with admiration as she did. They won’t make sacrifices as big as she did, nor will they stay when you show them your bad sides. No one will be as silly as she was.
But you know what? You did this one good thing for her. You let her go and open a space for someone who’ll appreciate her and love her the way she deserves to be loved. Who would’ve thought—in the end you did something right.