This is a reminder to the girl who holds on a little too tight; who puts effort into people who give nothing in return. This is for when you’re constantly grasping for something that’s not there, or for when you’re trying to lean on someone who gives you no support. This is a reminder for you that it is OK to let go and it is OK to walk away when you are not being treated as you deserve.
We all have those people, those relationships, and those memories that we don’t want to move on from. It doesn’t matter what they do wrong or how poorly they treat you, our hearts see the good in them, the history between the two of you, and have decided that it far outweighs the pain and hurt our brain knows they’re causing. We ignore what’s going on and what the relationship has become because we are holding on so tightly to the memory of who we think they are, or who they have been in the past. We become blinded by our hope that things will one day just magically go back to normal that we don’t want to admit what’s really going on.
We all want to believe in the good in everyone; we want to think that people won’t do you worse than you’ve done them. We want to think that when a person says something they’ll mean it and will follow through on it no matter what. We want to think that just because you could rely on someone in the past, it means that they’ll be there for you in the future. There’s this hope that they won’t be like all those other cruel people in the world, that they’re being genuine in everything they say and do.
But when you’re stuck in a relationship that is no longer what you want, that is no longer giving you what you deserve, you have to know when it’s time to let go and walk away. Some things can be fixed, and some things can’t. By walking away when it can’t, you’re not discrediting what the two of you once had, you’re not forgetting the memories of the good times you once shared. Instead you are simply acknowledging that things are different, that they are different, and that this is not what you want anymore. Sometimes it’s just something you have to learn to do as a way to stand up for yourself, especially when the one you trusted the most is now becoming the one to take it all away.
Sometimes you just have to let go. Sometimes you’re too close to someone to see the way they really are; sometimes you love them so much you don’t want to. When they don’t call or text for a few days at time, if they constantly make you wait for their time, they don’t want you in their life the way they claim. The second they stop making plans, the second they stop making an effort, a red flag should go up. If they start blaming you for reaching out, if they stop acknowledging your feelings, there is a problem and you can’t just ignore it. No one is too busy to send one text throughout the day letting you know they’re OK. No one should make you feel bad for caring. Don’t let them make you think it’s just your fault, don’t let them get away with ignoring you. You are not the only one in the relationship and they should definitely not be acting like it’s all on you. You shouldn’t have to beg for their attention. They shouldn’t only be there for you if they think something’s wrong or if they realize you’ve had enough of their bullshit.
Just because they once treated you with the utmost respect and gave you all the love in their heart, does not mean they always will. Just because they once told you they’d always be around, that they’d always be there for you if you needed someone, does not mean they will pick up the phone when you call. Just because you continue to put so much effort into them, checking in when they don’t respond, calling, texting, sending letters, does not mean they’re going to do the same. Just because they were this amazing person at one point doesn’t mean they always will be. Just because they were once your everything and you were theirs, does not mean it’s always going to be that way or that you will always need them.
People don’t just change overnight. When they decide to walk away out of the blue, you’re going to be kicking yourself for not seeing the warning signs. You’re going to be kicking yourself for putting up with their bullshit and for giving them your all. You’re going to hate the fact that you sat by the phone in tears countless nights, waiting for that one text or that one call. You’re going to hate that you thought this was just a phase. You’re going to wish you would’ve never allowed them to treat you the way they did. You’re going to wish you would’ve taken yourself back sooner.
It’s going to break you as you wonder why it wasn’t enough for them. It’s going to break you as you try to figure out what you said or did that made them decide you weren’t worth it anymore. It’s going to break you when you realize that you did all you could and it somehow still wasn’t good enough for them. It’s going to break you into a bunch of tiny little pieces that are going to seem impossible to put back together. You’re not going to understand it for a while. You’re not going to understand how someone can claim to love you the way they do, but still treat you as if you are nothing to them, as if you never meant anything to them. You know you are worth more than the way they’re treating you, but when the one person you looked to for stability and strength suddenly becomes the one that’s taking it away, it’s crushing.
It’s going to hurt when you realize that nothing could have convinced them differently; that what you weren’t realizing all along was that they already gave up. They gave up without a fight even when you fought your hardest for them. They kept you there for so long only to end it without a second thought. They made up their mind that this was over long before you did. They already decided months ago that this was going to end but they just didn’t want to admit it yet so they kept you there by giving you enough attention and saying the right things to make you want to stay but never enough to make you feel OK. No matter how much they claimed to love you and care for you, they didn’t the way they should have anymore.
So when you see this in your relationship, in your life: walk away. Learn to walk away from the pain, walk away from the disrespect. Don’t wait for them to make up their mind; make up their mind for them. You aren’t losing them when they make it impossible for you to stay. You may still have feelings for them, you may not want to break up with them, but at the end of the day you have to do what’s best for you. You have to know when you’ve done everything you could do, when you’ve said everything you can say. You have to know when you’ve given enough chances and when you’ve waited long enough. It’s their loss at that point when you gave them your all and they didn’t recognize it. Someone else can and will treat you better and appreciate you more than they ever did.
You’re going to be forgotten by some people and you’re going to fight so hard for people who don’t deserve it. You just have to somehow move on from the ones who aren’t there. You have to cut off those who are taking away from your happiness. Don’t let them take away the sparkle in your eye and the brightness in your smile. Don’t lose sleep over someone who sleeps soundly after breaking your heart, don’t let them be the only thing you think about when you never even cross their mind. They’re already gone, whether you’re broken up or not, you have to realize when they’re already gone. It’s going to hurt and you’re not going to get over it easily but you have to know when you deserve more.
There’s so much more to life than waiting around for some stupid person to realize what they have. If you let yourself dwell on what happened, you’re going to drive yourself crazy and you’re going to miss out on what’s going on in the rest of your life. You’re going to miss meeting new people and going new places. New opportunities are going to pass you by and you’re not even going to realize it because you’ll be so stuck in your own head. You’ll become so centered on the past, that you’ll forget about the future and all the things you have left to do. So despite what happens, what has already happened with the person who decided you weren’t enough, you have to let your heart remain open and allow your mind to expand past this. Don’t allow your self worth to come from the sweet nothings other people whisper in your ear. Don’t become solely reliant on the support of someone else. You are more than the way someone treats you, you are more than who you are with them by your side.
So walk away from it. You will be OK without them, I promise, you will. You first just have to walk away.