What happens when a highly empathetic person is in a relationship with a narcissistic person who lacks empathy and has an immense sense of self-importance.The outcome? Toxic and painful (for the empath).
All narcissists have one common thing that you should be aware of – they are emotionally wounded people.
It is usually some childhood trauma that scarred them for life. Probably they have been feeling unappreciated and worthless in one period of their life which made them a constant ‘seekers’ for validation and admiration from others.
Empaths, on the other hand, are the ‘healers’ of society. They are highly sensitive and empathetic that they are even able to feel the emotions of others as their own. They want to help and protect everyone in need, and they will try to eliminate the pain and the emotional damage of the narcissists. However, these virtues that empaths possess may become their downfall if they are not careful enough.
So, when these two opposites meet the attraction is enormous – but toxic.
This is because the empath fails to see the narcissist’s dark side. A narcissistic person is a person who can suck out the soul from everyone they come in contact with. It is a narcissistic way to feel validated while making others fragile and unbalanced and use them for future needs.
This situation can be very confusing for an empath. An empath might not even be aware that they are dealing with a narcissist because their sensitive nature makes them see only the good in everyone.
Empaths tend to think that everyone is like them, that people are actually good at heart. This gullibility however admirable can be damaging to them because not everyone is honest and good as they are – and different people have different agendas.
A narcissist’s agenda is to manipulate. They want to be in total control of others and use them as a ‘validation tool’ in their need to rise above them. An empath’s agenda, on the contrary, is one of love, care, and healing. There can never be balance a between these two contrasting natures.
If, however, they start a relationship, this relationship will soon become a vicious cycle that it will be almost impossible to get out. The more affection and love that the empath gives, the more in control the narcissist would feel, thus making the empath the victim.
The empath will soon become wounded and begin to feel like the victim that in turn may give them some narcissistic traits. When a narcissist sees that the empath is wounded, it may give them a sense of validation. Because the more unhappy the empath is – the happier the narcissist feels. The unhappy empath will then start seeking for feelings of love and support from the narcissist.
At this point, the empath will focus solely on its feelings of pain and will seek for validation and love, failing to realize that they are not the one to blame for this – the damage is coming from the narcissist. It is essential for the empath to wake-up and realize this before they become self-absorbed and narcissist themselves; because the truth is, everyone who is deeply hurt is vulnerable to become a narcissist.
So, how can an empath stop the damage and put an end to this toxic relationship with a narcissist?
Every plan on having a conversation with a narcissist is useless, because the narcissist, while very charismatic, is a very manipulative person too, and will try to blame the empath for his and their pain as well. It will make the empath feel responsible for all the problems in the relationship.
The empath has a choice: they could remain the victim in the narcissist’s game, or they could find the needed strength to walk away and end the relationship.
The empath should accept the fact that the narcissist will never change. And the waiting for a narcissist to change is a waste of a precious time.
In the end, all that matters is that we let others treat us as we think we deserve to be treated. If an empath chooses willingly to stay in this kind of toxic relationship with a narcissist – it is their way of thinking that they do not deserve better than that.
This could not be further from the truth. Empaths have to understand that it is not their job to fix others, especially those who do not want to be fixed, as they are not aware of their disorder.
Empaths should realize that the treatment they get from the narcissists is not a treatment they deserve and must find the courage to utterly walk away.
Originally appeared at Curious Mind Magazine